i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
