The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
