What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
