I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize