Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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