They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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