you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
