Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He has the fingertips of a God
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize