Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
