I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
