Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
