1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
im on a boat
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