I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
