Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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