I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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