dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
