I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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