My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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