dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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