You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
