who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
