I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
