I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
two words: eviction party
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
there is puke in my bra ... again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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