If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
