I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
