I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
