Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
