I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
