nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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