I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
