you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
