oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
