BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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