I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
