you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
