Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
