If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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