: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
