Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found your dick twin last night
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
