I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
