What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
