hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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