Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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