my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize