plz talk dirty to me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
