Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i will never coherently bang her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she peed on how many people?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
