hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
