It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
