yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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