i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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