new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
