i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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