This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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