she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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