I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
