i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
