If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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