I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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