mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
