I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
