I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize