from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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