i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
