Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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