Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
