Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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