nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
