Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
