Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
