i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
