Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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