Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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