So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
