Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
