2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize