Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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