i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
