"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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