Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
