I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were trust falling into bushes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
