Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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