I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
