glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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