They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
