I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
