So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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