how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
