Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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