she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
