Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
