Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
