i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize