Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
