It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
