first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
