I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
