dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
