I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and she was petting her beer can
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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