I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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