About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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